Right now, I'm eating a Pop Tart. I highly recommend this activity. For the most part, the Pop Tart is quite a delicious toaster pastry, replete with tasty frosting and sticky filling. But sadly, the Pop Tart is not without its ailments. The first of these is the Crust Problem-- for every delectable, filling-enhanced bite, one must also endure an equal number of bites sullied by what is mostly flavorless crust. The discerning Pop Tart enthusiast will go to such lengths as to actually eliminate all crust-only zones before attempting the more flavorful middle area. This is something of a pain. The second problem is the Unnecessary Multiplicity Problem, which is that Pop Tarts are packaged in groups of two. In order to maximize freshness, one must eat both at once or risk a stale Pop Tart. Except in rare occasions, the marginal utility of the second Pop Tart is greatly diminished to the point of seeming bland, as its consumption is a totally identical experience to the previous Pop Tart.
The Anniversary's Designing a Nervous Breakdown is quite like a package of 10 Pop Tarts; it flourishes and fails in the same capacities. Upon listening to the first track, one is immediately struck by its sugary sweet goodness. Still, the listener finds himself mentally trimming away some of the blander passages in order to more greatly enjoy the really good parts, in a fashion similar to the Crust Problem. The Unnecessary Multiplicity Problem also crops up, as every one of the 10 songs is nearly indistinguishable from the last. Same guitar distortion. Same harmonies. Same emo lyrics. Same moog. Sure, the first song is delicious, but after eating virtually the same Pop Tart a few times, they will invariably irritate your stomach, no matter how palatable they initially seem.
Sonically, the Anniversary is an interesting amalgam of pop styles. Do you remember "Friends of P" by the Rentals? Yes, the one with the ultra-catchy moog riff in the chorus that was impossible to banish from your head, as much as it embarrassed you to be humming oscillating octaves. Don't make degrading jokes about that riff around the Anniversary-- they won't laugh. The Anniversary really enjoyed that song. At least enough to include the exact same kind of moog riff in literally every song on Designing a Nervous Breakdown. Add equal parts 80's New Wave and slightly derivative punk-ish chord progressions reminiscent of the best moments of early Blink 182 (which are not many) and you have the foundation for virtually any Anniversary song. The opening guitar parts for both "All Things Ordinary" and "The D in Detroit" are almost absolutely identical, down to the same chords. And the two are only one song apart. They could have at least changed key!
But despite the obnoxiously prominent similarities between each song on Designing a Nervous Breakdown, the format from which they mold the songs is still rather tasty. Much like a savory Pop Tart, I plan to consume the Anniversary again in the future, just not in vast quantities at one time. What a shame that Designing a Nervous Breakdown isn't also an excellent source of 7 vitamins and minerals, as its edible colleague is. Perhaps it would enhance the appeal of future Anniversary discs if they offered a variety pack, hopefully including a "S'mores" flavor. Just an idea.
