It is easy to overrate music made by kids. First and foremost: the "they are pretty good for their age!" factor, which can override critical faculties and make us forgive the sort of artistic decisions we'd normally find boring or annoying in the work of adults. If the young musicians are clearly influenced by things we deem cool, there is a high risk of approving their work simply for affirming our tastes. Most obviously, no one wants to be the creep who begrudges the youthful enthusiasm of people who are clearly having a good time doing cool stuff at a very early age. Nevertheless, if we're being very honest, the music made by children and young teenagers is almost always awful, and the Tiny Masters of Today, despite being signed to an EMI label, are not an exception to the rule.
The Tiny Masters are Ada (13) and Ivan (15), siblings from Brooklyn who have been writing and performing together since their early tweens. They are always joined by an older musician on drums-- in the old days, it was Russell Simins from the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, but on Skeletons, they are joined by Jackson Pollis, an 18-year-old who is also a member of model Agyness Deyn's band. The fact that these kids apparently require a chaperon is somewhat troubling, but it's probably for the best, as the percussion on the record is solid enough to prop up their understandably limited musical skills. That said, the level of musicianship on the record is adequate, and at least on the same level as countless mediocre punk and indie bands.
That's the root of the problem with the Tiny Masters of Today, though. They are impressive only in comparison to a) other kids their age who have not somehow been encouraged to become a full-time touring band by hipster stage parents, and b) their least-inspired adult contemporaries. At their best, the Tiny Masters provide self-conscious kiddy variations on vaguely arty strains of punk and alt-rock, but there is very little practical use for this music besides causing adults to go, "awww, cute!" The lyrics are predictably banal and laughable, the vocals are uniformly flat and insecure. The melodies are not bad, but they are simplistic and mostly have the irritating cadences of playground chants and jingles. (Truly, much of the album sounds like a series of homemade Mountain Dew ads.)
Though they are kids being kids, there is something very off-putting about how much the Tiny Masters buy into established notions of what punky music made by young teens ought to be like. Many of us were at our most emotional and melodramatic at 13 and 15, but Ivan and Ada seem intent on projecting an image of good-natured brattiness that comes across as false and hollowly nostalgic as a "Dennis the Menace" comic strip. There is an alarming lack of imagination in evidence on Skeletons, and virtually nothing in the way of strong emotion. Every song is charmlessly cutesy, and the most passionate moment on the record comes when Ada slams her square peers on "Abercrombie Zombie". This work may be "pretty good for their age," but that's about it. It does not matter how old the authors may be-- this is very shallow, unengaging music, and it is hard to imagine anyone truly caring about any of these songs.
