Hi kids! Welcome to "Uncle Matt's Happy Time!" This is the place where we discuss animals, games, and indie rock for little kids... just like you! Our guest today is Billy! Billy is six years old. He likes kittens and playing with Legos. He thinks girls are gross, especially his big sister! Let's say hi to Billy!
What we're going to do today on "Uncle Matt's Happy Time" is show Billy some pictures and play Billy some music, to see what an average kid just like you has to say about it! First, let's show Billy a picture. What do you think of this picture, Billy?
Ha! Billy is silly! Those aren't doctors-- they're the Danielson Famile! Sometimes they like to dress up as doctors! And if they do have needles, odds are, they're not filled with anything they're going to want to use on you! "Famile" is French for family! In France, people don't take showers, and they go pee-pee in the street. Gross!
The Danielson Famile like to make music together. Do we like music? Yes! Let's put on their new album, Fetch the Compass, Kids, and see what Billy thinks about it... and what you think about it! Fetch the Compass, Kids was recorded by the band's friend Steve. Steve is a very naughty man, and is in a band called Shellac. Shellac sing songs about bad things. But, luckily, the Danielson Famile don't! Let's have a listen!
Ha! Don't be silly, Billy! The Danielson Famile won't hurt you! They're Pentecostal, which means that they like Jesus a lot! Jesus died for your sins, Billy. He was crucified and died. Do you think Jesus would want to hurt you? Of course not!
"He doesn't sound like Jesus! He sounds like a mouse! Or a scary clown! He is going to hurt me! I want to go home!"
Ha! Don't be scared, Billy! The Danielson Famile is all about family. Why, they're probably a little bit like your family! Their family has quiet time! Does your family have quiet time? Why don't we read some of the Danielson Famile's lyrics from the song, "We Don't Say Shut Up!" The lyrics go, "Quiet Time!!!/ My big mouth invites a beating." Does that make you feel better, Billy?
"I don't want the scary man to beat me! He's going to kill me! Mommy said I could go home whenever I want to! I'm scared! Let me go home! Please let me go!"
It's okay, Billy. I understand that Danielson Famile can be kind of hard to take at times! Big brother Daniel's squeaky vocals, and the generally saccharine, over-the-top music are more reminiscent of the clown in Stephen King's It than any friendly clown at your friend's birthday parties. Stephen King wrote books with bad words, and he got hit by a car!
"I don't want to get hit by a car! I don't want to listen to this! Let me go! Let me go! Mommy said you have to let me go!"
Sorry, Billy, but your mommy isn't here! And Big Mean Mr. Jones is guarding the doors. Big Mean Mr. Jones has a big closet full of red-hot pointy things, and likes to eat children. You don't want to make Big Mean Mr. Jones angry, do you? Of course not! Danielson Famile is all about being happy! Why, it's kind of like the CD we played during last week's "Happy Time," Of Montreal, except without the weird, complex song structures. In Montreal, the people wish they were French! Mega-gross!
"This album makes me feel like scary little men are poking sharp things into my head and smiling! Let me go home! Let me go home!"
Stop crying, Billy! I had a cousin who liked to cry, and he died, Billy. He died like a dog. Luckily, the frightening sugar high at the beginning of this album can't be sustained! The Famile are at their best when they're busting out hyperactive, hyper-memorable pop hooks that stay lodged in your mind to remind you that God and family are good, and that saying "shut up" is bad! A Famile like this one only works when they're going full-blast, and parts of this album just seem bland and awkward. That makes us say "yuck!"
"I can't take it any more! Please please let me go! I want to go play in the street with the other boys! I don't want to die! I don't want to die!"
Awww... well, okay, Billy. We're going to let you go now! But just try to leave without having songs like "Rallying the Dominos" or "Let Us A.B.C." stuck in your head! You can leave the Famile, Billy, but the Famile won't leave you!
Whoa, there, Billy! Don't forget Big Mean Mr. Jones! He sharpens his teeth with razor blades, and he loves the taste of little boy! All you can do, Billy, is try to remember that the Danielson Famile are oftentimes more annoying than they are scary. If you can just sit back and let yourself enjoy it, without being irked or creeped out, it's actually kind of fun! I know I'm having fun! Are you having fun, Billy? Billy? Oh, Billy?
