Jay-Z sensed skepticism in the furrowed brows of the Def Jam bigwigs, but he came prepared. His only hobbies of late-- basketball and high-stakes poker-- had left him time to think, and he felt confident that his latest project, Operation: Female Demographic, would bring in the easy cheddar:
Russell Simmons: So, you finally came to announce the signing of Common and Mos Def, right? It took you long enough but I'm glad you...
Jay-Z: Well... let's say they're the latest in Rocafella technology: We've combined the repetition of Beanie Sigel, the exaggerated cadence of Freeway, the incredibly boring street lyrics of Memphis Bleek, and the completely nonsensical constant-rhyme style of Cam'ron.
Jay-Z: Surely, it sells itself! I mean, come on, they sound like all of my proteges combined and-- get this-- they are young!
Later, at Baseline Studios, Jay assists his boys in cutting their first record. Even early on, the Philly duo thought the plan seemed a bit strange...
Young Chris: So why exactly is the album called Tough Luv? I mean, first off, I'm a very non-violent individual and I feel as if love is something that is only experienced once. On the real, Dr. Phil said...
Jay-Z: Nigga, fuck Dr. Phil! Your motivation on this record is as follows: You want to fuck every girl that you see and you are murderous. Basically, just sound like someone a dad wouldn't want to see his little girl out with.
Dissention comes between the group during a discussion about the record's progress around the midway point...
Neef: I don't care who this Juelz guy is. When he says, "I been laying the pipe in every lady, I liked up in the 80s/ My life is really crazy, I been like this since the 80s," it doesn't make any fucking sense! He's only 19! Does that mean he was a four-year-old pimp, with a gold-plated high seat and a three-wheeler with 24-inch rims?
Neef: And dude, you've been sleepwalkin' through this album. Come on, "Baby, it's the Roc/ I'm the baby from the Roc," is detrimental to the violent image we need to portray. "They're lacking heat like Bermuda?" And, "Your pigeons ain't risin', man/ It's like you're lactose tolerant," I mean, I know what you were going for, but... seriously, man, you have a pretty nice flow, but I feel like you're not even trying sometimes!
Young Chris: Listen, you got problems, too: "In order to fuck mine, you gotta suck me off first"? Do you know what you're saying half the time? Besides, don't matter what we're saying, our fans are gonna be bored with this album in like two weeks anyway. Every guest emcee makes us look like assholes. Jay-Z, Beanie Sigel and Freeway are way too good to be on songs with us. Shit, Cam'ron says "Stolen cable, still got the chip in box/ Still got the clip and glock, FEEL LIKE THE CHICKEN POX" and still manages to steal that song from us.
Damon Dash: Don't forget about Chingy on the "Can't Stop Won't Stop" remix! That's some gold on there. But Neef, you don't seem too happy about your paycheck! It's fine, you'll be easily replaced. I think I hear a dice game down the block...
Neef: Whoa, hold up, boss. I don't mean to disrespect or nothin', but have you heard these beats? This "Take It How U Want It" song sounds like "Braveheart Party". That shit was so bad, it got taken off Stillmatic! We're supposed to be the answer to Nas, you know? And "That's Right" has that awful, high-pitched piano roll. Sounds like Andrew W.K. playing the Halloween song. I don't even know who Chad Hamilton is! To be honest, I'm feelin' that "$$$ Girls" song with the Halls & Oates sample, but I mean, if I had my way, I'd just have the shit done by Just Bl...
Damon Dash: Bitch, you ain't got your way. Keep making those hits, baby! [does signature dance while holding bottle]
Director: Hey you! Shorter one! When I say "Walk Like a Panther" I don't mean walk like a pussy! And other one, you don't like you could take 14 Shots to the Dome, I'd even say you were far from Bad! Why are your shirts on?!
Young Chris: [sighs] I can't even believe this is how I'm paying my way through the dance institute. I should've never came to the blunt spot with you that night, Neef.
Katie: What do you think of Young Gunz? They're masculine, yet sensitive! One of them offers to be my mother, my father, my brother and my sister. As an orphan, this proposition is quite interesting.
