There has to be some chemical in vinyl that brings out the most embarrassing kind of rockism in people who sing about it. Obviously, U2 would fall victim—you could only acquire Songs of Innocence by doing the exact opposite of crate digging, and yet they put a damn LP on the cover anyway—and even a goofball like King Tuff (aka Kyle Thomas) is not immune. “Black Holes in Stereo” is the tenth song on his new album Black Moon Spell, and it threatens to topple his entire garage-glam enterprise. As you might be able to tell from the title, it’s a tribute to wax for people who felt “Spin the Black Circle” and “45” were a bit too wishy-washy. Imagine what it takes to out-earnest the likes of Pearl Jam and Gaslight Anthem, and then see if Thomas’ lyrics do the trick: “Girls and boys come from outer space and so does music too/ I learned more workin’ at the record store than I ever did in high school.”
Fortunately, he’s got a sense of humor about himself that counteracts all of that, and besides, “Black Holes in Stereo” is actually the truth—for him, classic rock is elementary, glam is higher education, and a masters degree is earned by trolling through the deepest recesses of garage rock obscurity. That’s the world in which King Tuff lives and thrives, where airbrushed van paintings come to life and “stoner rock” still means something Spicoli or Wooderson would listen to, not the slow and low likes of Sleep or Kyuss. Likewise, there are no institutions of the square—and that includes school, monogamous relationships, jobs, and standards of beauty. Black Moon Spell lives life with a foam dome and beer-colored goggles.
This world may be Thomas' construction, but it’s real to King Tuff, and on his self-titled sophomore bow from 2012, he pronounced himself as the universal rock star—songs like “Anthem”, “Bad Thing”, and “Keep On Movin’” were self-fulfilling prophecies, assumed classics delivered with a playfulness and unabashed hookiness that his more mannered peers like Ty Segall and Thee Oh Sees lack. In a way, Black Moon Spell makes King Tuff realer by continuing that narrative, as it’s a post-fame record in that sense: the tales are taller, the drugs are better, the women wilder, and there’s a conquering hero at the record's center to tell us all about it. The title track, “Rainbow's Run”, and “Eyes of the Muse” seem to be tributes to rock mythology itself, King Tuff ascending to the level of the gods before returning to let the common man in on what gets discussed up there.
If the stories are slightly different, for better or worse, the song remains the same. King Tuff is kind of a knucklehead, but Thomas can be a clever songwriter; the slight modulation in the title track’s brown-sound riff makes its very insistent repetition warranted, while “Headbanger” is a love affair between metal record collectors set to riffs that jut like Iron Maiden’s font and melted psych-rock harmonies. And though he’s more hi-fi than most in his field, Black Moon Spell is still all treble and midrange in a logical way—pre-EQ’d to sound like it’s playing in a car’s cassette deck.
But otherwise, if Black Moon Spell doesn’t instantly recall “Bad Thing” (“Beautiful Thing”) or “Keep On Movin’” (“Black Holes in Stereo”) in either structure or melody, it ends up recalling other songs on Black Moon Spell. Both narrower than King Tuff and with a longer tracklist as well, Black Moon Spell scraps the surprisingly lovely midtempo “ballads" from its predecessor, which allowed a sigh of relief amidst the beer-bonging. He's too genial for the stock characterization of women on “Sick Mind” and “I Love You Ugly” to cause much alarm, though “She was born with a filthy desire/ More sex, more drugs, she can always get higher” is meant as a compliment and thus forces the issue. Just as disappointing is Thomas’ stock characterization of himself; halfway through his third album, he sings “King Tuff is my name/ I got madness in my brain/ Pleased to meet you, I’m gonna eat you/ Cause I’m batshit insane.” It's a presentation of King Tuff for the sake of King Tuff on a record that already didn’t lack for filler.
On King Tuff’s prettiest song, Thomas sang,“ You always wanna know you’re not alone/ In the unpopular world,” a show of empathy towards the listener who hadn’t found their own personal King Tuff-style way out of being a misfit yet. He then offered some do-as-I-say and do-as-I-do advice: “I’m going deeper into the unusual world.” He's gone even deeper on Black Moon Spell, but with the release of any sort of emotional tether to Kyle Thomas, he might've left the rest of us behind.
