1988

Crib samples or lyrics from classic cuts ("Road to the Riches", "Tramp", "Welcome to the Terrordome") from 1988, or any other Golden Year that is suitable. If the source song is about finding a way out of the ghetto, make yours about your charitable fucking of both fat and skinny girls. If it's about women reclaiming power from a patriarchal society, make it about schemin' bitches. Fractured existentialism? Fuck that! Talk about how everyone jocks your shit and denigrate anyone who hasn't bought your album.

Name a song "Boom-Box". Sample Sal from Do the Right Thing bugging out (no pun intended) because Radio Raheem has "Fight the Power" on blast in his pizzeria. Reference Radio Raheem in your lyrics to make sure the listeners get what you're saying. Pretend you've never seen the film. Talk about how awesome your boom box is and how it's really loud, much louder than some other dude's boom box.

Sample drum break from "Sucker MCs". At the end of the song, say, "It's like that." This is a double reference to Run-DMC's first single. It's from 1983, but still, cred factor is super large.

Here's a doozy! Reference Richard Wright's Native Son in the title of a song. Now, model the storytelling style of your rhyme after Slick Rick's "Children's Story" (1989*, so close). Instead of the sticky social commentary and needless violence, talk about how some kid accidentally steals computers from the building that employs his mom as a cleaning lady.*

Okay, while you're on the heavy tip, every album needs at least two "think pieces." This is an independent label thing. Keeps internet fans happy. With that in mind, serious song numero dos should be about the police. You don't really need to say much other than cops are racist murderers and how you aren't going out like that. White dudes love that shit. Sample some Richard Pryor at the end. He was the Dave Chappelle of the 80s.

Speaking of white dudes, put one on your record. Aesop Rock is good. Let him spit a hook or something. We're losing the thread of 1988 concept here, but it was tenuous to begin with.

Use the tugboat horns from Biz Markie's "Vapors" and make your voice sound like Masta Ace. Juice Crew! Back on track with the 1988, bitch!

Bookend the album with uplifting songs called something like "Anything Is Possible" or "Liberated", but feel free to just talk about how everyone jocks your shit. Make sure everyone knows that they jock your shit.

Finally, because you're going to be on an independent label, this puts you in the "underground," whatever that is. It's important that you put up a veil of respect for the "old school." Your beats need to be dirty and sampled. You can talk about bitches, hoes, getting money, crime and shit, but don't get too innovative with the production. It's a tip-off that you're trying to sell out. The underground is about taking it back to the "essence" of hip-hop, not innovation.