Ladies and gentleman: this CD, truly one of the most unusual ever compiled, contains sounds which under no circumstances should be heard by anyone with a heart condition, or anyone who is easily upset. We urgently recommend that if you are such a person, or the parent of a young or impressionable child now, that you and the child remove your headphones immediately.
There are 37 titles being presented on this release that we would sincerely like to warn you about. The titles include "Blood Feast," "Tongue Torn Out," "Get Off the Road," "Blast Off Girls Rock 'n' Roll Party" and "Brains Knocked Out." These are, without exception, the bloodiest, goriest songs ever produced. If you are the least bit squeamish, do not attempt to listen. We've told you about many horrific CDs you probably got a big kick out of, but these are different. If you have an impressionable teenager, under no circumstances let him or her see it. Absolutely no children will be allowed to hear this. All of these titles are in mono, which even makes the horror more palpable.
We are sincere in warning you about this music. The titles, again, include "Poolside Frolic" and "How Dry I Am," and they are honestly the goriest music ever produced! Hear them if you must, but we wanted you to know what to expect.
"And now, some tragic local news. We have a report of another murder tonight. Another girl has been found dead in Rogers Park. The body was badly mutilated. Because of these murders, police request that all women stay inside their homes after dark. If you must go out, please have someone accompany you. Keep your door locked."
The ominous kettledrum pounds increasingly faster, like a funeral march running downhill, ever quicker, losing control, until-- a shriek! A roller-rink, soap opera organ plays the chords of terror, filling in whatever breathing space you might have left. And then, quiet. The wry kettledrum reappears, as if to warn us of impending danger. Solemn, forceful trombone plays the tune, solo of the grim reaper, accompanied now by equally grim piano and cello. But then, a note of hope: the piano tumbles down the scale, ending on the augmented chords of doom. There can be no light in Herschell Gordon Lewis' world of tragic gore!
All alone he ponders how to make the movies that popularize his brand of grade-Z horror-- for it is but grade-Z, the last refuge for the semi-talented and largely penniless alike, that could hope to keep this kind of indecency far from impressionable eyes and ears. Lewis would write, direct and produce his cinematic works of uncommon devastation for the deranged audience so hungry for fresh flesh. And he would also compose music so truly terrifying, only those with stomachs of iron (and perhaps a penchant for lo-fi trash culture) could hope to remain unaffected.
Classic 1960s films such as Blood Feast, Living Venus, Two Thousand Maniacs and She-Devils on Wheels contain the music we strongly urge you and your loved-ones to think twice before hearing. For who could fend off the dreadful organ stylings, replete with scatological bass-trombone interruptions, of "Critical Condition"? What chances have you and yours against the dubious garage rock, doubling as damning social commentary of "The Pill"? What, is that a baby's cry I hear? Truly horrifying, ladies and gentlemen. To add to the confusion and fright, Lewis has drafted authentic mountain musicians to realize his terrible bluegrass visions for films like Moonshine Mountain, and captured the wild, hormonal frenzy of youth for the modern-day rock and roll of "Get Off the Road". Please, do not remain on the road if you are at all susceptible to motorbike collisions!
Yes, there are islands on which to rest amongst the sea of terror. "Living Venus" is a classic ballad; calling to mind the great composers Liberace, Welk and Torme, and featuring the warbly croon (and what a horrible warble it is) of Lewis himself! The beautiful, recurring virtuoso guitar of "Recurring Virtuoso Guitar Bit" fiendishly wears down your guard for the following organ and piano nightmare of "Lister's Garbage." If there is one thing you can be sure of, it's that Lewis has taken great care in the arrangements, even when he was the only musician available to perform the horrendous melodies. As he says, "I'm no Paul McCartney, posing and posturing as though I'm a serious composer", so please prepare for the unadulterated emotion (or possibly last-minute filler-material) with which he has so masterfully impregnated this music.
As a final warning, we want to remind you that women and innocent children should not attempt to listen to this music without ample precaution. Even grown men have been known to run in terror from the horrifically fruity flute of "Quicksand". Do not make the mistake of thinking you've heard it all, and are therefore immune. We may have a registered nurse on duty, not as a phony advertising gimmick, but because she may very well be needed. Hear the music if you must, but remember-- we warned you.
