You might think calling Eminem "divisive" in 2009 would give him too much credit. After all, nearly every piece of promotion that's led up to the release of Relapse has caused the internet to stop whatever it was doing and form a unified chorus exclaiming how washed up it made the guy look. But did you know that after "We Made You" hit the airwaves, major networks ran segments on whether Eminem's "controversial" new video went too far? Let's think big picture here: In some corners of the indie community, people quibble about whether Wavves are overhyped, even though 99% of America have absolutely no fucking clue who they are. Eminem is divisive the way BIG people are. Like A-Rod. Or George W. Bush.
Relapse makes it abundantly clear where the line gets drawn in 2009. It's appropriate that the title character from "Stan" has become web argot for "obsessive fanboy," because Eminem drives both Stan and stan alike crazy in the same exact way-- by completely ignoring them until it's too late to make amends. Star Trek isn't the only franchise reboot expected to do big numbers this summer-- instead of the 13-year-old who got into The Slim Shady LP and found that underground shit he did with Scam, Relapse is for that guy's little brother who's 13-years old right now, and Eminem is fully committed to upping the ante for today's desensitized sensibilities. Do a double-take when he rapped "I just found out my mom does more dope than I do"? This time, you get to untangle the knotty word thickets of "My Mom", wherein young Marshall gets bullied and tricked by you-know-who into an addiction to prescription pills. Recoil when he threatened to push a fat girl off the high dive in swim class? He's now murdering his cousin in a tub and drinking the bathwater. Cringe at Eminem advocating roofies at a kegger? Get ready for the term "felching" to enter the public consciousness as Eminem gets anally raped by his stepfather in a tool shed. Got all that? Congrats, you're now four songs into Relapse.
It's smart for Em to revert to the shock tactics of his glory days-- Encore was a Chinese Democracy/HIStory-style catastrophe of self-exile with no real exit strategy. Though saddled with a terribly awkward rhythm that Eminem thankfully ignores, "Underground" finds him laying waste to a murderer's row of horror movie franchises with focused, devilish glee. If Relapse were Eminem in Michael Myers mode, it would be fantastic, but instead he's gone Mike Myers or even Robin Williams, subjecting us to "wacky" accents and a delusional sense that he still has a grip on what's edgy.
Favoring a voice more staccato and pinched than ever, Eminem jacks off to Hannah Montana, hunts Lindsay Lohan for sport, sings about Valium in Auto-Tune, clowns Jessica Simpson, and raps a verse in character as Christopher Reeve. Much like The Love Guru, it's so painfully unfunny that you can't even bother to act offended. And then there's "Bagpipes From Baghdad". As with much of the record, you have to get past your initial inclination to absolutely not give a shit about a deader than dead topic, but when Eminem spits poison at Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, he comes off as so annoying and misguided that you end up taking Mimi's side. On "If I Had", Em rapped that he was "tired of hearing people say they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs." He begins "My Mom" by rapping "I know people are tired of hearing about my mom," before rattling off one of the record's many choruses that are catchy in the way all grating but effective hooks are-- "my mom loved Valium and lots of drugs."
As for the singles, well, they're still here, but fortunately lacking any visual component. As easy as it is to ride Eminem for such sub-Jackie Harvey cultural mockups, it's possible to argue in his defense that instantly dated references have been part of the package since day one (Spice Girls, Tom Green, etc.). Truth is, the tracks where Eminem turns on himself usually end up carrying the water, and it's no different on Relapse: "Deja Vu" explains in exhaustive, darkly comedic detail how he managed to disappear in a cocktail of nearly every available intoxicant for the past Olympiad before summarizing, "See, me and you, we almost had the same outcome, Heath." Immediately after, it feels like Relapse hits something of a stride with "Beautiful", the "what do I think of success? It sucks" rant, succeeding despite clichés both metaphorical (if you're doing "woe is me," pick "tears of a clown" or "walk in my shoes," not both) and musical.
It's been easy to rag on the musical aspect of Eminem's recent output, and the mere fact he's working with Dr. Dre is seen as cause for celebration (the entirety of "Old Time's Sake" is great). But ever since "In Da Club" (and probably because of it), Dre has treated production like a test run for his very expensive headphones, concerning himself with only the most inert, stainless steel sounds. But you don't have to be an audiophile to find fault with the music here-- just a person who has a passing familiarity with Dre's post-2001 output. Relapse can be an intermittently thrilling sonic experience until you realize everything sounds like a variation of "What's the Difference", "If I Can't", or even fucking "30 Something". Granted, Eminem can overpower any beat by sheer force of will, but would it hurt for it to at least sound fun?
Which is really the reason I can't truly dig Relapse, even with all the temptation to do so: When Eminem's on ("Underground", "Must Be the Ganja")-- and he is more often than he's been since 2002-- he can put you in an awfully forgiving mood. Sure, the singles end up being the worst tracks, and it's chocked with filler and has almost no sense of sequencing, but that's the case with all of his albums. Eminem's always been able to manipulate not only his alter egos but his public persona, but here it feels more forced than ever-- as though, as The Onion once quipped about a past-his-peak Marilyn Manson, Em's going door to door trying to shock people. Sure, it's great to have the guy back, if only due to the fact that if we get to ignore him for the next four years. But it'll be on our terms, not his.
