Deftones sounds more like a band in the throws of a mid-life crisis than a group of musicians that could be called the 'Radiohead of Metal'. This is music on the fence-post of popular pining and dulled experimentation, an anachronistic addition to an otherwise respectable discography, and it will be remembered as such.
ARE YOU FUCKIN KIDDING ME!?!? Andrew Bryant should be drowned in a capsized port-a-potty for writing bullshit like this! How did he get hired, is he someone's cousin or fuckbuddy or something?
Deftones is probably the greatest album to be released this entire fuckin year! Maybe its just that Andy couldn't hear how awesome "When Girls Telephone Boys" and "Battle-Axe' are with his head stuck so far up his own ass. How can anyone say these kick-ass songs are anywhere near that pussy Linkin Park shit? Also, I'd like to call his bluff regarding the lyrics to "Moana." These are just the kind of 9th-grade poetic flubs found in the bottom-left hand corner of my old Earth Science primer.
If Andrew Bryant is so fuckin talented, how come the only songs he liked were the shitty ones? "Lucky You" and "Anniversary of an Uninteresting Event"? Dude how many Cure albums does a guy have to swallow to fully appreciate the sappy filler on albums like this? Only little girls would pick the emo piano shit on a Metal album. Bryant shows his true elitist colors picking on the programmed drums in "Lucky You" instead of actually paying attention—he might notice how well the group interchanges the quiet-loud-quiet motif with moments of silence. I hope you fire him, he obviously has no idea what good music is.
Did Pitchfork strike a deal with Viacom or something? Why all the recent reviews of major label bands (Led Zeppelin, Metallica...ok I can see Liz Phair but the Deaf-tones)? I mean, ok, yeah, I liked The Cure in high school, these mallrat idiots suckered me with Minerva a few years back, but the rest of their catalog, or what I've heard of it, is crass commercial melodrama on par with Marilyn Manson. Even the tracks with hardcore roots—"Bloody Cape" and "Good Morning Beautiful," for example—reek of Moreno's guilty conscience. He's stuck playing to teenage goth metal fans while pretending he's all "indie rock" because he's heard MBV and The Smiths. Yeah dude, those records are wicked hard to come by!
Ok, "Hexagram" may distinguish them from Staind and Korn with all the chugging, but only in the eyes of future generations, 'cos any praise wasted on this shit is splitting already thin hairs— and I'd rather rip a few off that pie-face's double-chin-cloaking goatee. Atkins, dude, not facial hair. For every one of Deftones' highlights (wait, is there more than one?), there are twelve cartoonish attempts at reclaiming the old-days of a fuckin outright embarrassment to begin with: metal. Ever since Tool started with their drama club metal, TSR teens have been rolling twenty-sided dice and donning black leather overcoats like it's going out of style. NEWSFLASH: Skinny kids look even scrawnier in those things, and fat kids, dude, just roll with the roll-- what, you're magically gonna drop the tire in the unlikely event a girl gets past all five buckles on that cape?
Oh, but "Needles and Pins," man, give me a break, is this fuckin Limp Bizkit? Listen to that fuckin' chorus and this record HAS to get a 0.0. "Who wants to fuck with us now?" I mean that's just fuckin' pure Iron Maiden nonsense, and you guys are actually debating this record's place in comparison to real artists like Single Frame (thanks for the tip) or even Radiohead. Oh, then that whimpering little "serious song", "Deathblow." What a fuckin title. Deathblow. Why not call it fucking "Columbine", dudes. Their attempt at ambient space and fuzzed out guitar would be laughable, but the irony of a line like "It's still the same song/ It's still the same song" only merits something equally retarded: I'm ROTFLMAO.
Pitchfork is above this, and I hope you just chuck this pandering major label coverage policy out the window with Brent D's hatemail.
just wanted to drop a line reminding you all that you suck for giving deftones anything below a 9.5, especially since that new radiohead album you like so much sucks mad dong. wah wah wah bloop bloop bleep. whatever d00d. tomas.
Pitchfork Review: Radiohead: Hail to the Thief
[Editor's note: Besides some minor HTML formatting, all emails we receive are published as is-- nothing is edited for spelling, grammar, syntax, or intellectual clarity. Names, email addresses, and/or emails themselves may be published unless specifically requested otherwise. Be sure to revisit your favorite reader emails of yesteryear in the rapidly growing mailbag archive.]
